I am super excited. Like most first-time blog persons, I never thought that people would read the babble i expel. I also thought that aside from my dear Hillary no one would ever leave a comment. but there are REAL people out there actually reading my incoherencies! and there are REAL people who are kind enough to leave a few words for me to read! i am so elated! high 5 to those who have stumbled across my ramblings. i hope i entertain you enough to come back.
On another note, there has been some talk of about blogging anonymously so that those in our lives don't stumble across the thoughts verbally left unsaid that may damage the relationship vs. censoring one's writing so if they do find the words, its cruelty free.
Only one person in my life knows about my little corner in the inter-world. I admit there are words on here that i am uncomfortable saying, expressing, singing out loud. If someone from my present or past (the ex, the evil judgy girls i went to high school with, people i work(ed) with) stumble across it could create some awkwardness in my being. It's like that episode of friends where ross makes the list about rachel (or is it rachem). when he writes down her cons she flips out at him. everything she hates about herself is something he sees as a negative too, and if she cant love herself despite those things, how can he possibly love her despite them too? i dont expect everyone to love every bit of me, but i dont want to give them ammo to take me down at my weakest points. (can you tell i have trust issues?)
i hesitate to write like no one reads this. posting under a pseudonym seems like a better idea each day. i am sure one day i will feel comfortable telling the whole world about my issues. one day i can tell all of my friends about my musings and they can follow along. one day i can let everyone in my real life know i am bi-polar and became (technically) obese because of it. (weight details are a forbidden topic among my real-lifers) One day i can tell them that i almost didnt make it past high school, or how i almost took the whole bottle, or how i made some really really poor decisions in college but i still made it through ok. One Day.
but for now i want to fight the battle anonymously alone.
its funny how we can bare our souls to strangers, yet can't even tell the people who surround us that we love them.
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3 comments:
You know that it took me a really long to tell you about my blog - not because I don't love you to bits (because I do!) but because it was so scary to expose my crazy to someone I see on a regular basis, even though you have witnessed my crazy in person many times. I'm happy that you're writing and I feel very lucky that you trust me enough to let me read it.
I went the total opposite in the midst of my most major depressive attitude. I went down to just over 100 lbs...Things are different now though, for me ;) I'm a bit meatier, and I tend to comfort-eat a bit more now.
I'm also pretty open about my depression to people I know, mostly because I am terrified someone might feel like I did, and will actually succeed where I failed (i.e. they will kill themself, and not be figured out in time).
i love anonymously because if i didn't every in my normal life would hate me
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