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(a pre-emptive apology - i have not ever been in a 12 step program, and i commend those who have accomplished the struggle; my post in no way is meant to belittle the steps, so i hope it doesnt come across like that)
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i feel like i am in 12 steps. and the guilt overwhelms me.i am reviewing my life and am at a point where i want to make amends with those i have hurt and forgive those who have hurt me. i want to apologize to my first 'long term' boyfriend for all the asshole things i did. i was really bad to him. i want to apologize to my parents for not including them in some pretty momentous occasions in my life. i want to apologize to my brother for some traumatic stuff i did to him when we were young. i want to apologize to those friends who disappeared from my life; whether due to my lack of attention or not, i feel like i need to say sorry. for all those times i
i am not sure how to approach this though. am i selfish for wanting to get rid of the guilt i feel for my poor behaviour? does someone who i haven't spoken to in almost 11 years want to hear an apology for something that they probably could care less about? is it worth opening those cans of worms? do i really need to let my ex know i cheated on him, full well knowing that i was going to end the relationship? do i do the whole 'write a letter, but don't actually send it' thing to make myself feel better? Do i spill every sin i have committed, or only the ones that won't really hurt? should i be vague or explicit? BLERG!
dear internet people,
please send me your advice.
any little tidbit will help.
thanks!
3 comments:
I feel like I can be better help over bacon. Let's do brunch - when are you free?
This is a tough one. I would say maybe even writing down all the things you want to apologize for in your journal or on paper, and then letting them sit for two weeks or so might give you a little clarity into what is the little stuff and what might have made an impact on people.
I know that for me, sometimes I want to apologize because I feel guilty, not because it's important, and in that case coming to terms with the bad stuff is more about accepting yourself than it is about having people tell you that you guys are cool.
I would say that maybe you can work hard on loving you, bad stuff and all, and on accepting it. Just making peace. After that, then I'd look at apologizing, but get your sails al straightened out first and make sure that apologizing is about really saying you're sorry- not about someone else telling you that things are okay.
Hope you're doing okay!
I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to comment, I started reading when you'd first posted, and it was too heavy for the mood I was in!
In some cases, I think apologizing would be a good idea, but not because you're going to make them feel better, but because it will help you. Your parents and your brother are always going to be a part of you, and having a strong relationship with them (in my opinion) is super important. These are the people who are going to be there no matter what (usually!).
But exes? Maybe not so much.
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