monday mail bag. more angry than the normal version.

dear c-word in the green jetta in front of me on the way home last night,

Yah, Hi! i saw you looking down every two seconds to add another letter to your text. i noticed how much you weren't paying attention to the GREEN light in front of you. i knew you had no idea that the vehicle in front of you had gone through the intersection and it was your turn to go. but you sure noticed when i laid on my horn. boy did you jump. i bet you mis-typed on your i-phone. or was it a blackberry? i couldn't tell cause you were doing such an amazing job pretending that you WEREN'T TEXTING AND DRIVING. but my favorite part is when you thought i was following you through the city (honestly i actually was going the same way) and you proceeded to go at least 30-50km over the speed limit. i sure wish the cops had been on granville to catch you. it would have made my day.

all the best in your future texts, the ford escape behind you

dear border guards

thank-you for allowing me to cross the border with slightly more than the alloted amount and not making me pay duty. it really, really helped with my limited budget. plus i like sticking it to the man.

love, a pretend anarchist

dear charmin,

you make a fucking awesome toilet paper. i am so amazed at how it doesn't crumb. i wish i could afford you all the time. rest assured, when i win the millions that are due to me, i will have an entire closet in my home dedicated to you, so that i will never run out.

love, a non-paper-crumby bum

dear food inc.

thank you for opening my eyes to the evil that exists in the food industry. it is sad that farmers are forced to comply or go under. i hope that this can change - the sooner the better. otherwise we are going to turn into mutants who eat deep-fried circles as food. i mean seriously? have you seen these?

love, a former processed food eater

ps tyson foods - fucking shame on you.

dear city of vancouver,

lets spend some more money on bike lanes so that the kids, whose schools will be closing next year due to lack of funds, will have somewhere to cycle.

regards, a city dweller who is somewhat tolerant of the bicycling kind (i only like the ones that follow the law)